How to Help Children Keep Their Friendships After Moving Abroad

A child who moves abroad may lose the ordinary moments that kept a friendship going. They no longer get the seat beside their friend at lunch, the walk home or the chance to see what happened in the playground. Adults can help restore some of that ease by arranging a small, predictable way to spend time together, then leaving space for the friendship to change as both children grow into new routines.

Ask what the child wants to keep

Start with the people and activities they mention. A child may want to see two friends regularly and hear from the rest now and then. A teenager might already know exactly how they want to stay in touch and need help only with a future visit. Ask what they enjoy doing together. If the answer is making up stories or comparing football scores, a call with nothing planned may be less appealing than a short chance to do the same thing from separate places.

Talk about who can make the arrangements. With younger children, ask whether they want you to speak to a friend’s parent. With older children, offer help with practical details and give them room to handle their own conversations. Check that both households are comfortable exchanging contact information and that the children know what adults have agreed. If the other family is busy during the move, choose a way to reconnect that does not depend on making a complicated plan before you leave.

Give the first month a light structure

1. Plan the goodbye. Ask what the child wants to do before leaving and which friends they want involved. A short visit, a letter or exchanging a photograph can be enough.
2. Choose a shared activity. Pick something the children already enjoy and agree how to do it when apart. It might be drawing, watching the same match or giving each other a short challenge.
3. Check the local time on both sides. Use the actual school and weekend routines. Confirm the time again if either place changes clocks or an activity changes its schedule.
4. Set up the first connection before travelling. Try the call or message on the devices you intend to use. If it depends on a new connection, agree an alternative way to get a message through.
5. Make it easy to cancel kindly. Give the children a way to say they are busy, tired or would prefer another day. Help them suggest another time if they want to.

Keep the first few contacts short enough to fit around school, sleep and family commitments. A longer gap can work if both children prefer less frequent contact. Ask your child how they felt afterwards. If they enjoyed the activity but found the timing awkward, change the time before deciding the friendship is fading. If they prefer sending short messages to a call, ask what that gives them and whether both children are comfortable with it.

Check that the way they stay in touch fits their age

Use apps, games and devices that suit the child and the arrangement both families have made. The UK Safer Internet Centre recommends regular conversations about how children use online services and where they can get help. Explore the relevant privacy, reporting and blocking options together. Ask who can join a call or game and what personal information is visible. Agree when the child should ask a trusted adult for help if they see or receive something that worries them.

Support offline ways of keeping a friendship going too. A postcard can give a younger child something to send without needing to coordinate schedules. Two children might make a scrapbook of what they are doing that month and exchange a few pages. Teenagers may prefer sending one photo when they discover something their friend would recognise. Let them choose how much of their new life they share and ask before passing on any personal details to other people.

• Choose one activity that can happen without a live connection.
• Check the time difference again after a timetable or clock change.
• Agree how to handle a missed call without treating it as a problem between the children.
• Ask the other household how much notice it needs for a possible visit.

Keep room for friendships where you live now

Imagine Theo and Max used to play chess at the library on Saturday. After Theo moves, they try a long call every Sunday and find that it is hard to know what to say. They switch to a short game twice a month and use a voice message to share an occasional puzzle. Theo also joins a local library group. The two activities ask for different kinds of energy. One keeps a familiar relationship within reach and the other helps Theo build an ordinary weekend in the new town.

Look at the child’s calendar as a whole. An evening catch-up may clash with a club they would like to try. Ask which time they would rather keep and what change might leave room for both. If your child feels guilty about making new friends, let them describe what they are worried about and what they want to tell their old friend. They can be pleased to meet someone nearby and still miss the person they used to see every day.

If the family visits the old area, decide which invitations will make the trip feel manageable. Seeing every friend in one weekend can leave little time to enjoy being together. Ask the child to name one or two people they most want to see and an activity that would give them time to talk. Explain which plans are definite and which depend on both families. If travel is expensive or infrequent, avoid putting pressure on every call to compensate for it.

Review the arrangement with the child

Look ahead to the moments when contact may feel especially important. A birthday, a performance or the first week of a school holiday can bring the distance into focus. Ask whether the child wants to send something or make a plan together for that day. Find out if both households can realistically keep that date and offer an alternative if they cannot. A message sent the day before may fit better than trying to call during a party. Once the occasion passes, ask the child whether they would like to do something similar next time.

After the first few weeks, ask whether they want to keep the rhythm, change it or let contact happen when they have something to share. Friendships can change after a move, and it may take time before a child can say what they miss. Listen for whether the issue is a missed chance to talk, a difficult conversation or feeling left out of something they used to do. Ask what help they want before arranging anything on their behalf.

If worries are persistent or affecting daily life, consider speaking with the child and their school about support, in line with NHS guidance. Keep some conversations focused on the interests they share with friends and what they would like to do next. Agree one plan for a familiar friendship and one small way to meet someone nearby. Review them after the child has had time to see how each fits the new week.