How to Plan Holidays When Family Lives in More Than One Country

When a family lives across borders, every school break can start to look like an obligation. One household wants a Christmas visit, another expects to see the children in summer and everyone has a different idea of what a week away costs. A workable plan begins with the dates people can actually manage and the time they would like to spend together. Once you know those two things, you can decide how much travel belongs in the year.

Ask what each visit is for

Some visits are about being there for a particular event. Others are about ordinary time with a grandparent, a sibling or a friend. Ask which would matter most this year. A week when someone is working every day may offer less time together than a long weekend when they can be present. A child may want to visit at a time when their cousin is free rather than during the cheapest week for flights. Write down the reason beside each proposed visit so you can compare different dates without losing sight of it.

Ask who is able and willing to travel. An older relative may prefer to host because the journey is tiring. A new parent may be comfortable with a shorter trip to a meeting place. Two families might be able to meet somewhere between them, but the practical details will still matter. Find out who can book leave, arrange transport or travel with a child, and what they need to confirm first. Discuss where everyone would sleep and what hosting would ask of the person offering it.

Put the year on a shared calendar

1. Collect the fixed dates. Confirm both school calendars, important work deadlines and the dates of any events that already have a venue or organiser.
2. Mark the days people are free. Ask which leave needs approval and when the decision will be made. Keep any dates that depend on a shift pattern separate from the dates you can book.
3. Choose the visits you most want to make. Select the ones that fit the reasons people gave, then compare routes and timing. Include time at each end to get ready, travel and settle back in.
4. Leave an unallocated break. Give your own household some time for rest, trips it would choose for itself or a visit that may become important later.
5. Agree a booking date. Decide when each household needs an answer. Until then, be clear which dates are under discussion and which are confirmed.

Use a date range when sharing early ideas. A message that says “we can look at two weekends in April and will confirm next Tuesday” gives relatives something to work with and sets a point to return to the question. If there are several households to see, put their availability next to one another. This is often enough to reveal that a single trip cannot cover every person you hoped to see.

Price the whole trip and the backup

Write down travel to the departure point, baggage, transport at the destination, meals, accommodation and any costs of hosting or being away. Include the cost of another route if the first one is cancelled or has a connection you would struggle to make. If several households share costs, agree who pays for what before booking and check when payments are due. A fixed budget makes it easier to decide whether to travel once for longer or make two shorter visits.

Check everyone’s travel documents and what they need for the specific route. The FCDO’s travel checklist includes entry requirements, insurance and additional documents for children. If a child is travelling with only one adult, or arrangements involve a separated family, check the relevant permissions and any applicable court order. Ask the carrier and authorities what they need. Put the last date for renewing or obtaining documents ahead of the date on which you plan to buy tickets.

• Check the expiry date and conditions on any ticket you could need to change.
• Allow for a different return route if a short visit depends on a single service.
• Write down who will collect travellers or book the transport at each end.
• Keep accommodation details and important contacts accessible during the journey.

Give relatives time together they can enjoy

Consider Owen and Lucy, who live overseas with two children. On their first trip back they try to visit both sets of grandparents and three groups of friends in six days. They spend part of every day travelling, and their children are too tired for a planned afternoon with a cousin. The following year they ask what the relatives care about most. One set of grandparents would like a whole weekend, and the other can come to the family’s new home outside school holidays. They reserve time for both visits and let the shorter trip have fewer stops.

Set expectations before arrival. Tell people when you can see them and which parts of the visit you want to keep quiet. If a child needs a regular evening routine or a relative needs a rest in the afternoon, put that in the plan. Offer a simple choice if people are disappointed. You might be able to meet on one afternoon this trip and spend longer together when they visit you. A clearly agreed afternoon can be easier to enjoy than a promise to fit someone in somewhere.

Review next year while the details are fresh

Work out what you will do if a relative’s plans change. If they can no longer host, would you still be able to visit using a nearby room, or would you need to move the trip? Check whether the younger people in the family are comfortable staying away from home and which adult would accompany them if a journey changed. Put the decision with the person who can make it, including when to discuss the extra cost. This gives the household a practical response when someone falls ill or a work commitment suddenly takes up a weekend.

When relatives come to you, send them the arrival details before they travel. Include the easiest route, the time someone can meet them and what they can do if they arrive early. Explain the rhythm of the household, including which days adults are at work and when children have school. Agree one or two times that you will spend together and give visitors room to make their own plans. Hosting becomes easier to repeat when everyone knows which parts of the week they are sharing.

After travelling, compare the time you expected to spend together with what actually happened. Ask the children which part they would want to repeat and whether the journeys felt manageable. Ask the hosts what worked from their side. Put the real costs into your budget, including any expenses a relative covered that you would want to share next time. Keep one note about the dates, one about the journey and one about the visit itself.

If there is a gap before the next trip, arrange contact that fits the relationships you are trying to keep. A relative may enjoy a regular call or prefer to make a plan for a particular school break. Share the next decision date even if you cannot confirm travel. It gives people a chance to arrange time around the visit without making the children responsible for keeping everyone happy.