What to Agree as a Family Before You Decide to Move Back

Returning can sound like going back to the family life you knew. But the children may have friends and routines where you live now, relatives at home may be doing different things and the job or neighbourhood you remember may have changed. Treat the return as a new move. Compare the actual life your family could live in each place, then agree what you need to check before you decide.

Name the reason you are considering a return

Ask each person when they started to think about going back and what they would expect to change. Someone may want to be nearer a relative who needs help. Someone else may be frustrated by a working week or the loss of a familiar activity. A child may be happy at school but want to see a grandparent more often. Keep a record of the different answers. You can then ask whether a return would address them and whether any could be improved while you remain where you are.

Give each person a chance to describe what they would miss if you left. Include everyday details such as independent journeys, friendships, favourite teachers and activities, as well as jobs and costs. A place an adult thinks of as home may feel like a place to visit to a child. Ask the child to describe what they know about life there and which parts they want to see before deciding how to talk about the move.

Check that the life you are imagining is available

1. Confirm everyone’s position. Check whether each family member can live, study or work where you plan to return. Ask the relevant authority or a qualified adviser about the facts that affect your household.
2. Find a home you can afford and use. Identify the first address and the area where you might live longer. Compare the journeys to work, school and care before agreeing to a tenancy or purchase.
3. Speak to the people who handle enrolment and care. Ask about start dates, address evidence, registration and the process for any support. Check the implications of starting partway through the year.
4. Confirm work and money. Ask employers about dates and location. Price the move, ongoing expenses at both ends and any period on reduced income. Take advice on tax or other cross-border issues that affect your timing.
5. Plan the leaving side. Read your housing, school, care and service arrangements. Record notice dates, payments, records you need and anyone who has agreed to handle a handover.

For a return to the UK, government guidance brings together issues including healthcare, education and driving. If you are applying for a school place in England from overseas, ask the admissions authority about the application and how it will assess the proposed address. Other parts of the UK have their own education arrangements. Check healthcare registration and eligibility for the circumstances of each family member, and ask how to transfer any care you rely on.

Try three different timelines

Write down what would happen if you stayed for the next year, if you returned at the earliest feasible date and if you returned after an agreed milestone. Put both countries’ commitments on the calendar. A milestone could be the end of a child’s course, the end of a lease or the completion of an application. Compare the time available for each adult’s work, the opportunities for children to settle and the effect on any relative who is expecting help.

• Choose what you would change where you are if you stayed another year.
• Price an early return, including any costs for leaving a commitment in place.
• Check when a later return would make an important task easier or harder.
• Write down what would make each timeline impractical.

Give the family a chance to see the place they might return to. If you can visit, try a weekday that resembles the one you are planning, with a commute, school route and ordinary errands. Use the time to check services and meet people who would help. A visit can also show which old relationships you would be able to resume easily and what has changed while you were away.

Work through a trade-off before taking a vote

Imagine Fran wants to return to help a parent. Their partner, Drew, is concerned about leaving work they enjoy and the younger child wants to finish the school year with their friends. Fran and Drew ask what the parent would like and discover that regular help is needed for one appointment each week. They consider arranging that help locally, pricing a longer visit and returning after the end of the year. They check whether Drew has a realistic job option in the area and whether the child could start at the right time.

Once they have the answers, they can compare which arrangement provides the support Fran’s parent wants and how much each household member would have to change. If one child is more settled than another, give both a way to describe what they would need from a move. Record any plan to keep in touch with friends they would leave, and check how visits would fit the household’s budget.

Agree what must be true before giving notice

Ask each adult to write down the work of returning. Someone needs to find out about the housing, speak to an employer, gather school records and handle the end of your existing arrangements. Agree who will own each task and which decisions need both people’s approval. If your family plans to stay with relatives, confirm the dates, costs and expectations about space and time. Discuss what you would do if the stay lasted longer than you had all expected.

Put a transition plan in place for the relationships that matter where you are now. Ask children whether they want time to say goodbye or help arranging a future call or visit. Check which commitments an adult wants to finish and what can continue across borders with the required approvals. A move back can be more manageable if the household has a clear way to keep the things it values from the time abroad, including work, friendships or a language you use together.

Try imagining the first fortnight after the return, using the actual address and the earliest feasible start date. Where will everyone sleep and which appointments have to happen? Who can reach the place where the children will spend the day? When will each adult be able to work? Write down the cost of covering a short gap, and ask which tasks you can do before travelling. If returning changes the taxes, fees or commitments at either end, ask a qualified adviser how the timing affects your own case.

Agree who you will tell and when. If the timing is uncertain, explain what has been decided and the date of the next decision. That gives relatives and children information they can use without asking them to treat a possible return as fixed.

Record what you need to know before you commit to returning and what can be decided later. Name who will confirm each point and the date by which you need an answer. If a partner’s job or a school place remains uncertain, agree which decisions can wait. Keep an option you can afford if a date changes. Once you have agreed a return, let the household know which arrangements are confirmed and when you will review the first month in the new place.